The Truth About Happiness

When my almost 18 years old grandson Tory rang me he said that he was unhappy with his life and wished he could be happy like other people, meaning some of his cohorts. 

As it was one of the few times he seemed to have time to spare, I spent a long time talking to him about goal setting, happiness, how happiness is transient, and how we need to identify what makes us happy and do those things; provided they aren’t illegal, immoral or adversely impact on our neighbours. 

I spoke about internal locus of control, an identified psychological state of mind of people who believe they have control over what happens in their lives. Conversely, we discussed external locus of control, the opposite - everyone and everything else is to blame for what happens in our lives. 

We spoke of pessimists and optimists. I asked him why he didn’t ask his friends if they are happy and if so, why. That way, I said, he could do what they do and hopefully share in the happiness. However, as anyone over 18 should know, neither happiness nor unhappiness is a constant state (unless you’ve been smoking mood-altering substances, but we won’t go there). 

According to US celebrity media personality, Tucker Carlson, “There are a lot of ingredients in being happy: Dignity. Purpose. Self-control. Independence. Above all, deep relationships with other people.” 

I thought that was a good start to understanding happiness however, it’s reasonable to suggest that like me, other people have moments of happiness and unhappiness, and also longer periods between when we neither feel happy nor unhappy, but are content. 

We are simply idling along and at any time during that stasis, our state of mind could change immediately, for numerous reasons. Although he wouldn’t admit it, I sensed that my grandson’s drop in spirits was brought about by his impending year 12 exams. The fear that he hasn’t done enough work to get a good result, and the challenge of transitioning from school into a desired apprenticeship are foremost in his mind at present. I felt no different when I was leaving school over 50 years before him and you who are reading have doubtless shared the same experience. 

When I taught Emirati women in the United Arab Emirates, I used to tell them that every morning when they get out of bed, they can make a choice: choose to be happy or unhappy. The ball was in their court. I told my grandson the same thing. 

The truth is, that to think you can live life in a constant state of euphoria isn’t realistic. Neither does one wish to live in a constant state of depression. The answer is to foster a positive, optimistic outlook and find things to fill in your day that please you. Develop those deep, fulfilling relationships. Barring the medically identified reasons for depression, this should lead to a reasonably decent life.

Postscript: Now 19 years old and an apprentice electrician, grandson Tory is a much happier person than he was when I wrote this article.

Dreaming

Most dreams I have tend to be erotic; an enticing woman who rescues me from an extended period of celibacy, but by the time I wake up, it's regrettably a dim, distant memory.

I don't think I dream often, or if I do, I don't recall dreaming.

Last night was different.

I dreamt that I had a conversation with a being, probably an extraterrestrial or perhaps some type of spirit being.

The entity told me that when we die, we reincarnate. This was a disappointment to me because, although I've had a wonderful life, the thought of having to do it all again is daunting. I long for the self-destruction - the black, unknowingness, ceasing to exist for eternity. Not having to do all those things that being alive requires.

The entity assured me that living beings continue to reincarnate until they and the planet reach a certain level of development and then bingo, all will revert to a spiritual existence out there somewhere in the deep, dark depths of someplace or other.

After we move on, the entity said, all life on this planet will have gone and the remnants of it will decay, rot and eventually return to dust. The oceans will evaporate and eventually disappear in many billions of years, the Earth will be like Mars and other planets in our Universe - devoid of life and apparently uninhabitable.

Eventually, our universe will implode into a black hole where all matter condenses to the size of a pinhead only to explode and create yet another of many universes on which life will evolve and the cycle commences again.

It's all too deep for me. I'm sure my favourite Persian philosopher Omar Khayyam had it right when he wrote the verse above.

Learn about Lucid Dreaming.